


Things are never just sad

by AtlasNix



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: Ask me to do your bidding in the comments, Bi-Derman, Everyone Is Alive, F/M, Flash isnt that much of a dick, Games, Gen, Identity Reveal, Internet, Internet Famous, IronDad and SpiderSon, Maybe more stuff but maybe not, Memes, Mental Health Issues, Not the kind your thinking of, Older brother Peter, Parent Tony Stark, Plot? What Plot?, Responsible Peter, Social Media, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, cursed videos, exasperated May Parker, in this house we are all happy and fine., peter and pepper will give him one, peter p the baby sitter kid, sometimes., sorta - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-04
Updated: 2019-05-23
Packaged: 2019-10-03 22:26:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 6,159
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17292593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AtlasNix/pseuds/AtlasNix
Summary: Peter is introduced to the internet (on my made-up platform called Lamp) as Tony Stark's intern.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place after Endgame but it's an unproblematic verse where nothing ever really goes terribly wrong. (Also Tony isn't biologically Peters dad in this fic even if it seems like it)
> 
> Also, I apologize for the format of the first three paragraphs, I couldn't fix it for some reason.

> _**You_know_who_i_am**_ _@TonyStank_ : have you guys met my intern @P-is-for-Love yet?  
>    
>  _[reply to @TonyStank]_ _ **Its_thursday_my_dudes**               @JadePrice:_ ummm...nO! Who is this intern you speak of?! The acc doesn't exist anymore!???? 
> 
>   
>    
>          _[Reply to @TonyStank]. **Ironman1994** @Ya_boy:   _         No. No, we haven't. Why is this??? we need to meet    this man.
> 
>   
>  _Click here to see more replies_  
> 
> 
> __
> 
> * * *
> 
>  
> 
>   
>                        DAD  
>    
>  **DAD:** Hey kid, what's your Lamp account name? Apparently, the one you gave me is inactive.  
>    
>  **You** : oh, sorry. sorry about that, Ned was excited about the whole 'everybody in the world knowing me as your intern' thing that he got me banned. Idk how. Making a new one now _@THAT_intern_.  
>    
>  **Dad** : he's a weird kid.  
>    
>  **Dad** : Get ready underoos. The internet is even weirder from my angle.  
> 
> 
> * * *
> 
>   
>    
>  **_You_know_who_i_am_** _@TonyStank_ : feast, children:  _@THAT_intern._
> 
>  _[Reply to @TonyStank]_  
>  **_DickMan_** _@Jamie_the_thing_ : ok, there's nothing on the account tho  
>    
>  _[Reply to @TonyStank]_  
>  _**JuelsROCK** @geology_is_cool:_ it's new. Are you trying to kill us in suspense Stark?  
>    
>        _[Reply to @TonyStank]_  
>  _**Stucky23** @WHo:_ uuuuuugggggghhhhh, I knew it was too good to be true. I was hoping an intern could give out all of the dirt and funny stories. You know. Help humanise Tony. (Join petition for the accords to be banished and help out the Avengers and other mutants/supers _here_ ).  
>    
>  _Click here to see more replies._  
> 
> 
> * * *
> 
>   
>    
>  _**You _don't_know_who_i_am_yet** @THAT_intern:_ hoy minoy. For I am here.  
>    
>  _[Reply to @THAT_intern]_  
>  _**You_know_who_i_am** @TonyStank_: hi.  
>    
>  _[Reply to @TonyStank]_  
>  _**You_don't_know_who_i_am_yet** @THAT_intern:_ hi.  
>    
>  _[Reply to @THAT_intern]_  
>  _**You_know_who_i_am** @TonyStank_: well what do we do now?  
>    
>  _[Reply to @TonyStank]_  
>  _**You_dont_know_who_i_am_yet** @THAT_intern:_ IDK...We really should have read Pepper's 'PR For Dummies'...  
> 
> 
> * * *
> 
>   
>    
>  Search results for: _@THAT_intern_  
>    
>    
>  **_Vauge_memories_of_productive_life_** _@Lilie_Stark_ : (I'm gonna assume everyone saw that conversation) how old do you think _@THAT_intern_ is? I mean 'hoy minoy'???????  
>    
>  **_Kathrin janlo_** _@is_spidy _a_furry?:_ ummmm. I don't know what to think about this. _@THAT_intern_.  
>    
>  Makksnddknskdd @#$$% $: hi! _@THAT_intern_.  
>    
>  _**FamalamaDING** **-DONG**_ _@KAYEN SPICE: @THAT_intern_ , so is this orchestrated? I mean: "We really should have read Pepper's 'PR For Dummies'..."  
>    
>  _**Flower power of the 2nd unit** @Jared❤forever_: Yall know that this is just a publicity stunt right?  
>    
>          _[Reply to: @Jared❤forever]_  
>  _**Victor Hendrickson**   @Impala67: _Just shut up and let us dream.  
>    
>  _Click here to see more replies_  
> 
> 
> * * *
> 
>   
>    
>  _[@THAT_intern changed their username.]_  
>    
>  _**Peter P** @THAT_intern_: hi guys! I had to change my user because it turned out to be both outdated and factually incorrect. Anyway, I guess you all have questions so, please, ask away.  
> 
> 
> * * *
> 
>   
>    
>  _**Killjoysmakesomenoise**_ _@spamandos_ : hey _@THAT_intern_ , how old are you?  
>    
>  _[Reply to: @spamandos]_  
>  _**Peter P** @THAT_intern:_ I'm 16. Its fun but I hate it. How about you?  
>    
>        _[Reply to @THAT_intern]_  
>  _**Killjoysmakesomenoise** @spamandos:_ I'm 18 and don't you have to be 18 to become an intern at SI? (For legal reasons n all???)  
>    
>  _[Reply to @spamandos]_  
>  _**Peter P** @THAT_intern_: ...uh I literally didn't know that???? I mean I did but I thought it was made up?????  
>    
>          _[Reply to @THAT_intern]_  
>  _**You_know_who_i_am** @TonyStank:_ yeah, sorry about that Underoos, I just couldn't pass up the opportunity if having you with our company and I know how much of a stickler for the rules you are (sometimes).  
>    
>  _[Reply to @TonyStank]_  
>  _**Peter P** @THAT_intern:_ Peter is typing...
> 
> * * *
> 
>   
>  "Hey, Aunt May?" Peter glanced to the woman on the seat beside him, "did you know that Dad lied about the SI age restriction being a hoax?"  
>    
>  May gave him a pitying/amused look "I was wondering how long it would take you to realise-"  
>    
>  She didn't get to finish before Peter had called Tony, "ummmmm...excuese my French but-"
> 
> * * *
> 
> **_j_** _@vancooverheroes:_ we still have no real idea who Peter Parker, Tony Stark's personal intern, is. Why is he so important to SI? How the hell is he so smart for a kid? Why does he know Pepper and Tony Stark so well? How have we never caught wind of him before?  
> 
> 
> _Click here to see replies_


	2. IDK

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I was pressured into it, it wasn't my fault. (Though I loved writing it)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...yeah, I wrote another chapter...
> 
>  
> 
> (Please, please click the links, I will love you forever)

**Peter P**  
  
_Bio:_ My name is Peter Parker, I'm 16, I go to Midtown High, physics is my speciality and I'm Tony Stark's personal intern. Also, I am bi AF.  
  
_Following: @Thor_god of thunder, @TonyStank, @Pepper Potts @May_Parker @Guy in the chair @MJ @BruceBanner @dead inside Moon Moon @the fastest man alive @MidtwonHigh,_  
[Click here to see more](https://youtu.be/FTQbiNvZqaY)  
  
_Followers: @TonyStank, @May_Parker, @MJ, @Guy in the chair, @Pepper Potts, @Fawnix, @Justanothernormalfangirl @the fastest man alive,[Click here to see more](https://youtu.be/BzzJWGSv1-A)_

* * *

 _ **The fastest man alive** @Flash Thompson: @THAT_intern_ excuse me, what the fuck?  
  
_[Reply to @Flash Thompson]_  
_**Peter P** @THAT_intern_: hi Flash.  
  
_[Reply to @THAT_intern]_  
_**The fastest man alive** @Flash Thompson_: so all of that intern crap was real????????????? Why didn't you tell me?  
  
_[Reply to @Flash Thompson]_  
_**Ned wants his bed** @guy in the chair_: what the hell. He did. You just didn't listen.  
  
_[Reply to @Flash Thompson]_  
_**You_know_who_i_am** @TonyStank_: so your Flash?

* * *

Flash looked down at his phone with wide eyes. If anyone were to ask, he did NOT scream.  
  
(But both of his mums asked so he showed them that Tony Fucking Stark just spoke to him. They were very confused as to why middle-aged billionaire was speaking to their son. In the end, he had to sit through a lecture of online safety.)

* * *

When Flash saw Peter in school the next Monday he asked so many questions that he didn't even remember any of the answers other than a "Fuck off Flash" from MJ

* * *

 _ **Shadow Wolf** @Rose_: so how close are _@TonyStank_ and _@THAT_intern_?  
  
_[Reply to @Rose]_  
_**you_know_who_i_am** @TonyStank_: professionally close.  
  
_[Reply to @Rose]_  
_**Pepper** @Pepper Potts_: professionally close.  
  
_[Reply to @Rose]_  
_**Peter P** @THAT_intern_: professionally close.  
  
_[Reply to @Rose]_  
_**Aunt Bessie** @May_Parker:_ professionally close.  
  
_[Reply to @Rose]_  
_**Stark Industries** @SI_: professionally close.

 _[Reply to @TonyStank @Pepper Potts @THAT_intern @May_Parker @SI]_ _ **S** **hadow Wolf** @Rose_: what.

* * *

 _ **Peter P** @THAT_intern_: everyone keeps bombarding me with questions about Tony so I'm gonna set a timer for 2 minutes and I'll answer all of the questions, but only them, for now.

* * *

 _ **Ryujii** @Lady_idk: @THAT_intern_, what is the weirdest thing you have seen Tony Stark do?  
  
_[Reply to @Lady_idk]_  
_**Peter P** @THAT_intern_: ummmmmm there are a LOT of weird things so I'll just tell you one: I had accidentally slept over (using your brain is hard guys) and woke up to Tony pouring a tequila shot into his Strongest Coffe Ever™ and then pouring it into an ice lolly mould thingy. I never saw him eat it but whenever I go check on it there is a little bit missing.  
  
_[Reply to @THAT_intern]_  
_**Ryujii** @Lady_idk_: WTF???  
  
_[Reply to @THAT_intern]_  
_**War machine rox** @James Rhody Rhodes_: that's his In Case Of Emergency Caffeine Mix; its got Monster, Tony's special strong coffee, Tequila, and probably some crushed up painkillers in it. I don't know how he's still alive.  
  
_[Reply to @James Rhody Rhodes]_  
_**You_know_who_i_am** @TonyStank:_ that was a secret Rhodes. Pepper's gonna kill me.

* * *

 _ **Hilk Smawsh** @roaaaar:_ _@THAT_intern_ , what is your opinion on the accords?  
  
_[Reply to @roaaaar]_  
_**Peter P** @THAT_intern_: well I'm not really allowed to share my political opinions so I'll just say this, I love the Avengers, and I hope everything is sorted out soon.  
  
_[Reply to @THAT_intern]_  
_**Hilk Smawsh** @roaaaar:_ yeah but team iron man or Captain America?

* * *

 _ **Priel** @mehiba_: _@THAT_intern_ , my friend told me to ask if you will marry him.  
  
_[Reply to @mehiba]_  
_**Peter P** @THAT_intern_: yes. YES. A HUNDRED TIMES YES! (what's his name?)  
  
_[Reply to @THAT_intern]_  
_**Priel** @mehiba_: OmG can I be bridesmaid??? (@Milo_jameson)  
  
_[Reply to @mehiba]_  
_**Peter P** @THAT_intern_: oF cOUrse.

* * *

 

 _ **thedailybuggle** @newsbuggle:_ _THAT_intern,_ can you confirm or deny the pregnancy of Pepper Potts?

 

_[Reply to @newsbuggle]_

_**Peter P** @THAT_intern:_ go away

* * *

 

 _ **FreddieVenus** @Queeen_: _@THAT_intern,_ what do you look like?

  
_[Reply to @Queeen]_  
_**Peter P** @THAT_intern_: tall, dark and devilishly handsome  
  
_[Reply to @THAT_intern]_  
_**CawCawMotherTrucker** @Hawkeye_: small, tiny and the voice of a pre-pubescent child  
  
_[Reply to @THAT_intern]_  
_**Aunt Bessie** @May Parker_: Small, cute, curly hair and brown eyes.  
  
_[Reply to @THAT_intern]_  
_**You_know_who_i_am** @TonyStank:_ minuscule, tiny, small, squishy looking.  
  
_[Reply to @THAT_intern]_  
_**Captain America** @Steve Rogers_: brown eyes, short curly brown hair, pale skin, square jaw, small, pocket-sized, cute  
[Click here to see more](https://youtu.be/wZv62ShoStY)

* * *

 _ **Cherry_cherry_c**_ _@hammilton_gall_ : um, so we still have no idea what the hell Peter Parker is except that he knows the Avengers enough for STEVE ROGERS to describe him so efficiently (whilst teasing him at the same time) when will the mystery ever unravel itself??

* * *

  
_Soup squad_  
  
_[Bi-derman created a group chat]_  
_[Bi-derman added:_  
  
_Dad,_  
_Steve Rogers,_  
_Thor Odinson,_  
_Red Murder spider,_  
_Hawkass,_  
_Barnes full of Bucks_  
_Sam Wilson,_  
_Witchy Lady_  
_ULtiMate FUrrY, KinG TaChalla,_  
_Dr Strange name,_  
_Banner of the Bruce,_  
_Vision,_  
_Scott,_  
_Sneaky Snake Man,_  
  
_to the chat]_  
  
  
_Bi-derman:_ welcome, to the greatest chat of ALL time...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So a couple of things to say: 
> 
> 1) Yay! Loki's alive.  
> 2) yes I did a seal some of your usernames, sue me.  
> 3) I keep running dry on questions and ideas, so feel free to feed some to me.


	3. Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Woah there, aren't y'all supposed to be asleep? Come on, we've got chameleon sculptin' and 80's dancing classes on tomorrow, y'all better get some rest now ya' hear me?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi. I'm sorry for the Super Secret Hidden Angst™ and the lack of Shuri.

 

 _ **Dad**_  
  
_Dad_ : so how was your day?  
  
_Dad_ : where are you?  
  
_Dad_ : did you take your tracking watch off? I can't find you anywhere.  
  
_Dad_ : Peter.  
  
_Dad_ : Peter, if you are in your suit right now, so help me god I will ground you

* * *

 _ **Thedailybuggel**_ _@newsbuggle_ : breaking news: Spiderman messes up yet AGAIN in downtown Queens where a back ally fight turned into a huge brawl after Spiderman attempted to save a man from a creature of unknown origin. Watch video taken by onlookers here.  
_____  
  
_**Dad**_  
  
_Dad_ : ok, you're grounded. I'm telling May too.

* * *

 Peter looked up briefly from the empty spider suit to listen when he thought he heard footsteps.

  
When the thudding of feet on wood passed the apartment door he gave a quiet sigh of relief and looked back down to his suit covered desk.  
  
"Karan, can you hear me?"  
  
A pause.  
  
"Ye-bb-s" the cracked, glitchy voice of the AI.  
  
"Ok Karan, let's get you up and running again," Peter whispered to himself as he fiddled with her damaged programming.  
  
"I still can't believe that the mean jellyfish thing managed to stab through the suit, I thought it was Inpenatrable or something," he mused halfheartedly to no-one in particular as he worked.  
  
"Ah-! Done!" He smiled gleefully into the blank eyes of the mask. "Ok, testing, testing, Karan can you please text something to Dad?"  
  
"What you-bl-ld you like me to say, Peter?"  
  
"Just tell him that...uh... I thought of a good middle name for Morgan?"  
  
"Ok, Peter,"

* * *

 _ **Peter P** @THAT_intern: @TonyStank_, I thought of a good middleeeeeele name for Morgan. ./

* * *

 _[Reply to @THAT_intern]_  
**Theexploress** @treckthestars: what? Who's Morgan and why do they need a middle name?

* * *

 

 _[Reply to @THAT_intern]_  
_**RossettaQueen** @RiP VinE_: who?? _@TonyStank_.

* * *

 _ **Dad**_.  
  
_Dad_ : what the hell Pete? Why did you put that on Lamp? 

* * *

 

 _ **Vanillama** @tangeldpink:_ wait, @ _THAT_intern_ was talking to Tony Stark who is rumoured to be having a baby so,,,,,, Morgan __ Stark?

* * *

"Peter, you have kn-e unread message from Tony,"  
  
"Thanks, Karan."

* * *

_**Dad** _

_[One unread message]_

  
_Dad_ : what the hell Pete?, why did you put that on Lamp?  
  
_You_ : shit. Shit. Shit.shit.  
  
_You_ : sorry Dad, uh, I told Karan to text you something random to test if shes working alright after the weird jellyfish man damaged her program. She's probably not fixed completely.  
  
_You_ : I'm so sorry Mr Stark, I'm so so sorry.  
  
_Dad_ : don't call me that  
  
_Dad_ : don't ever say those 3 words to me again.  
  
_Dad_ : its alright kid. Pepper and I were gonna come forward about Morgan next week anyway but no time like the present.  
  
_You_ : sorry Dad

* * *

 _ **You_know_who_i_am**_ _@TonyStank_ : I guess it's about time you all know. Watch the press conference [here](https://youtu.be/dQw4w9WgXcQ).

* * *

 _ **FoxNews**_ _@foxnews_ : breaking news: Tony Stark and Pepper Potts have confirmed the CEO's hidden pregnancy (Watch the press conference [here](https://youtu.be/7ir0754j4hc))

* * *

  _ **The Daily Buggle** @thedailybuggle: _Pepper Potts has officially confirmed her pregnancy!

* * *

 _ **NewYorkTimes** @thenewyorktimes:_ Stark Industries have secured an heir. The soon to be parents, Tony Stark and Pepper Potts have announced the arrival of a baby Stark in three months.

* * *

 _ **sapphire_Demon** @waywardsons14: _did  _@THAT_intern_ just out Tony and Pepper Stark? 

* * *

 _ **butSax** @gayboi:_ so how close do you think the Starks and Peter Parker are? I mean, he's suggesting middle names so...

* * *

_ soup squad _

_Red Murder Spider:_ congrats on finally coming out with it Stark, even if it was with some prompting from your Mini-Me.

 _Sam Wilson:_ yeah, congratulations man (my congrats is superior cause I said tho whole word)

 _sneaky snake man_ : yes, well done for getting it on and creating new life, the norns are proud.

 _Hawkass:_ ugh, I can hear your voice from this message. Why are you so sarcastic Loki? It's annoying. Also. What's with the perfect grammar the only reason k have grammar is cause of auto correct and even then I go through it and take some out [click here to read more of this message](https://youtu.be/z-5r5EweKnY)

 _Steve Rogers_ : Hey Nat, I guess I owe you $10

 _ULtiMate FUrrY, KinG TaChalla:_ Same here, Shuri also demands a cut of your winnings. You're free to ignore her.

 _Barnes full of Bucks:_ I guess next group meal will be on Nat.

 _bi-derman:_ um. Excuse me. Did. Did, you all bet on me. On whether or not I would out my dear little sister/brother/alien, Morgan to the world?????

 _sneaky snake man_ : Yes

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaaaaaaaaaaand ENd SceNe.
> 
> So. So. We got some Morgan. We got some very shy angst. We got some pretend plot. We got some stuff.
> 
> But the real question is: what DON'T we have?   
> So. Tell me. What don't we have? What do you want to see? What does your pet look like? What characters/tropes would you want? What is your teddy's name? What mistakes are there (although you can shut up about that one, I'm ignoring my autocorrect because it hates all of y'all's usernames and I'm not good at editing)? What is your weirdest dream? 
> 
> TELL ME. I WANT TO KNOW.


	4. You spin me round, right round, right round

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Please  
> Don't
> 
> Open
> 
> The
> 
> Windows
> 
> It's 
> 
> Cold
> 
> Here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I forgot to ask you guys when you would prefer updates so for now, I'm just gonna do whenever I want (cause I'm a bad bitch)

**_Buzzfeed: internet famous_ **

(author: AtlasNix)

_Ok, so we all know about Peter Parker, Tony Stark's personal intern, we've all seen his posts but I've taken the time to compile all of his best/funniest/mysterious tweets and put them into one place._

_So behold **12 of @THAT_intern's best posts of all time.**_

.

**_._ **

**1) how about we start with the first one. What does it mean? We may never know.**

**_You_dont_know_who_i_am_yet_** _@THAT_intern:_ Hoy Minoy, for I am here.

 

**2) how about that time when he told us the secrets of how he got the Stark internship?**

**_Peter P_** _@THAT_intern:_  everyone keeps asking, so I thought I should just say, NO I DID NOT GET SPECIAL TREATMENT WHEN APPLYING TO THE INTERNSHIP BECAUSE I LOOK LIKE TONY'S LONG LOST SON. I got special treatment because I am smart and because I kept E-mailing the application to Tony for over four months.

 

**3) Does anyone else remember when he posted this? It felt like a dream.**

**_Peter P_** _@THAT_intern:_   _[photo of Tony Stark asleep on his lab desk with his head in his crossed arms and Dummy dumping thousand of blankets on him]_  So pure.

 

**4) that time when he told us the REAL truth about the heroes of our world**

**_Peter P_** _@THAT_intern:_ Hey guys, how come you're out there saying that people with mental health problems/people with disabilities are invalid when your favourite superheroes go to therapy and cope with PTSD, use hearing aids, have metal arms, wake up in the night screaming, have triggers, get monthly checkups and use heroism to keep their suicidal tendencies in check?

 

  **5) what does this even mean?**

 _ **Sargent James Barnes** @Bucky_:why do spiders even exist? Spiders are horrible, disgusting, vile creatures with no sense of personal space.

 _[Reply to @Bucky] **samthejamlikeslamb** @Sam Wilson_: I know. One even ate all of my good cereal once.

 _[Reply to @Bucky @Sam Wilson] **Peter P** @THAT_intern:_ Fuck off, both of you.

 

**6) the SHEER AUDACITY**

_**Peter P** @THAT_intern:_  _@Peter Parker Official_ _, @incorrect Peter P quotes, @does THAT intern even exist?, @Peter P is QUEEN_ just four out of hundreds. I never imagined I'd get my own fan/copy cat accounts. I probably shouldn't thank the copycats buy thank you, everyone. (also if you love me, unfollow  _@Bucky_ and  _@Sam Wilson_ )

 

**7) that one time when it turned out that he is actually HOT**

_**IMAGINE_MERMAIDS** @YEDSSSSFH_: I bet _@THAT_intern_ is actually really ugly

 _[Reply to @YEDSSSSFH] **Ned wants his bed** @Guy In The Chair:_ Dude. Look. You are wrong. So very wrong

 

**8) the time where THAT happened**

_**Peter P** @THAT_intern:_ Tony made me do[ it](https://youtu.be/b0nNTklOKRA) (also, that's my friend MJ)

 

**9) THIS ONE CONFUSES US ALL (and what does the D stand for??)**

**_Peter P_** _@THAT_intern_ : hey _@TonyStank_ , messaging is down for some reason so I'm gonna have to ask you here. Is Rocket fuel the most explosive thing in the lab?

 _[Reply to @THAT_intern] **you_know_who_i_am** @TonyStank:_ No, if you find some of my francium samples and combine it with a fingernail-sized piece of vibraimium, stuff explodes BIG TIME.

 _[Reply to @TonyStank] **Peter P** @THAT_intern:_ Thanks. Where does you keep your old Use For Science jewellery box?

 _[Reply to @THAT_intern] **you_know_who_i_am**_ **@** TonyStank: in the cupboard next to the Not For You cabinet.

 _[Reply to @TonyStank] **Peter P** @THAT_intern:_ Thanks D

 

**10) that time where he did something but we don't know what**

_**Pepper Potts**  @Pepper: @THAT_intern, _don't think you can get away with it, just because your father told you to do it. You have more common sense than that.

 ** _Aunt Bessie_** _@May_Parker_ : get your fucking ass right here Peter. Even if that idiot told you to do it you shouldn't have.

 _ **mmmmmmm** @mj:_ I'm gonna have to agree with your mom on this. That was really stupid.

 

**11) that time with John Mulaney**

**_Peter P_** _@THAT_intern:_ there is A HorsE LOSE in ThE hosPiTal. (No, really, there is. Loki's in a weird mood today)

 _[Reply to @THAT_intern] **John Mulaney** @JohnMulaney:_ wow. I finally feel famous.

 

**12) that time where...no one knew the time...**

_**Peter**   **P**_ _@THAT_intern:_ what does the quantum relm look like?  _@Scottythemanant_

 _[Reply to THAT_intern] **Scott Lang** @Scottythemanant:_ it's 3:00, go to sleep kid.

 _[Reply to Scottythemanant] **you_know_who_i_am** @TonyStank:_ no, it's 4:72

 _[Reply to @THAT_intern, @Scottythemanant, @TonyStank] **CawCawMotherTrucker** @Hawkeye:_ fuck is going on? It's 7:21 right?

 

**12) and finally, remember the 'I am iron man'?**

_**you_know_who_i_am**_ _@TonyStank:_ I am Iron Dad. 

 _[Reply to @TonyStank] **Peter P** @THAT_intern: _Don't you dare use Morgan as an excuse to make even more dad jokes.

 _[Reply to @THAT_intern] **you_know_who_i_am** @TonyStank:_ I can't make any promises kid

* * *

                             comments

 

 **Lala** : omfg he's so cute

 **101usernotfound:** this is a terrible compilation, there are so many good ones missing.

 **Storng 85:** "Iron Dad" oh my God. Yes.

 **I:** aww Morgan is such a good name! <3

 **Mcjka:** is no one gonna mention thE AvEnGERS!?

 **stonyshipsu:** is it me or do they seem to have a father/son relationship?

 **plaid'nleather** : we stan one (1) awesome dude.

[Click here to see more comments](https://youtu.be/PGNiXGX2nLU)

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would have written more but it's 2:24 and I need sleep.


	5. Toxic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sex is cool 'n all but have you ever played Mozart on the trombone whilst Toxic is blasted on repeat and your brother is screaming like a harpy on every B sharp?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First off: VERY short chapter I just wasn't really feeling it and I'm a bit short of things to do with this story, so I'm gonna ask, what is your FAVOURITE Peter P/Marvel trope? It doesn't have to be applicable to this. Just give me THOUGHTS.
> 
> And second: Last weekend was a pretty sad few days cause my sister's hamster just died and she's blaming herself and I don't know how to cheer her up and it wasn't a good day, but, like the saint I am, I persist:

_**MemeLordAlmighty** @PrincessShuri_: hey  _@THAT_intern,_ I finally made an account. Entertain me.

 _[Reply to @PrincessShuri] **you_know_who_i_am**  @TonyStank_: God help us all.

 _[Reply to @PrincessShuri, @TonyStank] **Peter P**  @THAT_intern_: first of all, what's up my dude, second of all, God can't hear you Tony

* * *

 _ **jaylana Binx** @SpoderGirl:_  _@THAT_intern_ , he fooking knows the PRINCESS OF WAKANDA. why am I not surprised?!

* * *

 _ **BlackPanther** @TaChalla:_ Shuri made me set this account up, what am I supposed to do with it?

 _[Reply to @TaChalla] **Nudes4note** @shitpost956:_ oh my God, are you the real black panther?

 _[Reply to @TaChalla]_ _ **lungs** @yourhorriblebae:_ you post anything you feel like and you follow people you like, that's it.

 _[Reply to @TaChalla] **Freya** @Boisy:_ Hey! Check out my account, I've got some drawings of you somewhere!

 _[Reply to @TaChalla]_ _ **fangirl #4562** @RIPdoUknowDaWay:_ ~~~~do you know _@THAT_intern_?  ~~can you set me up with him?~~

 _[Reply to @TaChalla] **silverbasketofkale**_ _@SharkAttack:_ why did your country not share it's recorces during the crises around the world such as the New York Incident?

 _[Reply to @TaChalla] **is**  @FlameBard:_ is it bad that I only knew Shuri and not the King/superhero?

[Click here to see more replies ](https://youtu.be/LOZuxwVk7TU)

* * *

  _ **BBOcookingSuplies**_ _@fliesNflou_ _r_ :  _@PrincessShuri,_ what is  _THAT_intern_ like in real life?

 _[Reply to @fliesNflour] **MemeLordAlmighty** @PrincessShuri:_ good question! Peter is actually really meek and gentle IRL, he also doesn't stop talking and is in awe with everything he sees, but every other word out of his mouth is a reference and he's stupidly smart, both casually and scientifically.

 _[Reply go @PrincessShuril] **Peter P** THAT_intern:_ thanks I guess?? At least you didn't call me small or cute.

 _[Reply to @THAT_intern] **Peter P** @THAT_intern: _shit.

 _[Reply to fliesNflour] **MemeLordAlmighty** @PrincessShuri:_ he's also, tiny, like MiNituRE.

 _Reply go @PrincessShuril] **Peter P** THAT_intern: _I guess I had it coming.

* * *

 _ **Tgrwan** @obiwannobody: @THAT_intern_, have you seen this iron man bashing article? [Iron man. Is he really a hero or is he the villain?](https://www.quora.com/Could-Hela-be-Loki%E2%80%99s-birth-mother-in-Thor-Ragnarok)

 _ **Peter P** THAT_intern: _nope. Too toxic for my taste.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, , , , guess what I got to do today, , , , I got to dissect a heart (done lungs already, got eyes and something else to go) it was really fun. 
> 
> ANYWAY. 
> 
> That link? It's a pretty weird/cool Idea isn't it? There's also some actual articles on it too, IDK I just thought y'all would be interested.


	6. Survivor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *me to my brother*: say the weirdest thing you can think of for this boring summary  
> My brother: My Nan’s nob cheese  
> My brother *whispering*: it’s free real estate
> 
> .....
> 
> I- i just don’t know anymore

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shawty got them apple bottom jeans and them boots with the fur, the whole club looking at her, boots with the geese feathers, boots with the dalmation fur, and shawty is high- high- high - high
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> (Hi)
> 
> But seriously, this chapter is pretty serious so here comes the trigger warnings: brief mention of suicidal thoughts, talk of mental illnesses, brief and not very good non friendly view of mental illness, mention of triggers. (I think that’s it but still be careful if these don’t do well with you)
> 
> Nothing is very explicit it is only talking about it but still stay safe

_**Peter P**_   _@THAT_intern:_ so Tony hasn’t seen any superhero films????

 [ _Reply to_ _@THAT_intern]_ _ **you_know_who_i_am** @TonyStank:_ that’s because I live that life, i don’t need to watch a disneyfied version of it.

 _[Reply to @TonyStank]_ _ **Pepper** @PepperPotts:_ (About that reply to Baby’s post) I’m sorry Tony but don’t kid yourself, you know it’s because most of them trigger you and some day you have to come out about it to the public; shed light on the lack of representation for people with mental health issues.

 _[Reply to @PepperPotts] **Peter P** @THAT_intern_: uh- Pepper? You sent that publicly.

 _[Reply to @THAT_intern] **Pepper** @PepperPotts:_ fuck.

[Click here to see [300759] comments](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=0iC10hKsi20)

 

* * *

"Why- how- why did you DO THAT?!”

peter sat awkwardly between his parents, he couldn’t move from his spot at the breakfast bar because that would just be awkward but it was awkward anyway, just sitting there as Pepper and Tony traded panicked swears from across either side of the room.

”m-may I interject-?” Ah- why did his mouth always move before his mind could catch up?

”WHAT PETER?!” Tony looked as if he was about to burst, it had been a long time since Peter had seen him that worked up.

The man sighed and dropped his head into his hand, “I’m sorry, Pete, I- just,” he pulled up a chair next to peter, sitting down and picking a grape out of the fruit bowl in the middle of the table. Pepper was soon sitting on the boys other side, her face in her arms.

”I’m sorry Tony” she mumbled in a small moment of weakness.

”I know you are. It’s technically my fault anyway-“

”Toooonnnnnyyyyy,” Peter and Pepper groaned. 

“-no, it is. It’s the whole voice typing and thing that keeps malfunctioning and I need to fix it.” 

“Ughhh,” Peter tried to hold in the wine but it came out anyway, “it doesn’t matter Dad, everything involved in this incident was an accident.”

”yeah...I guess so.”

* * *

_**vampirenuttly** @blackwood: _Tony Stark has mental health issues AND triggers. I rEPeaT. Tony Stark has mental health issues AND triggers.

* * *

  _ **SabrinaTheTeenageSlug** @birdgoose: _Mental health issues are VALLID. EVEN PEPPER POTTS SAYS SO.

* * *

_**BaddestBitchOfThemAll** @hellobabysmoll: _bitch, please, this is just a publicity stunt. Tony MotherFucking Stark does not have mental health issues.

* * *

_**emilymaley** @iguana:_ oh my god. Pepper Potts just dropped two bombs on us: Tony Stark is mentally ill. And. Pepper Potts calls Peter Parker Baby??

* * *

_**CNN NEWS** @CNN:_ Tony Stark, officially crazy? [Click here to read more](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=1XW1Ygatsz4)

* * *

 

Bitch

 

 _Steve Rogers:_ I’m sorry that it had to get out like that Tony.

* * *

 

 _ **TheMemeLordAlmighty** @PrincessShuri: @THAT_intern, _whats going on??

* * *

 

“it’s alright Tony.”

 

”You can do it dad,”

* * *

 

 _ **You_know_who_i_am**  @TonyStank:_ so recently rumours of me being mentally ill have been circulating the internet. I have written this to address these rumours. I am, in fact, mentally ill, I am plagued with nightmares at night, I get flashbacks of my time in Afghanistan, the New York Incident, The Civil War and a time all of you would not remember. I have severe PTSD and anxiety that hinders my everyday life. I use my selfish, self-centred and childish attitude to hide myself from others and to keep people away from me due to an abusive and neglectful childhood. I’ve had my fair share of suicidal escapades. i have basically patented anxiety attacks/panic attacks. I’m so nervous right now that I’m just mumbling stuff for pepper to write. But I am still Tony Stark, Iron Man, and NOTHING can ever change that. I will not change as a person and I ask you all not to change your views on me. All of the heroes I have worked with have ‘faults and flaws’ we all have fears and weaknesses but the whole point of us being heroes is that we fight the bad things. So let’s all fight them together.

 

* * *

“I’m proud of you.” She whispered.

He he took a deep, shaky breath, “yeah, me too.”

Peter smiled softly, Pepper and Tony loved each other, no matter what the media says. 

“Hey,” she says, she seemed happier and more put together, “how about pizza, I know Morgan wants some, they’re certainly making it clear right now.”

“Anything for my favourite.”

“HEY!”

* * *

 

** Trending tags: **

 

#SupportTonyStark #shed light on mental health problems in the hero industry #PTSD is vallid NO MATTER WHAT

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1) about the nickname ‘baby’: I imagine that Pepper used to call Tony baby all the time (you know, in the ‘honey’ or ‘sweetheart’ way) and she once called peter that after mistaking him for Tony and it accidentally stuck after everyone else found out (teasing him about being small on a whole new level). Is it weird? I’m not good at nicknames so.
> 
> 2) this was a pretty serious chapter but I tried to make it as sweet as I could, I hope I did the real life problems justice.


	7. No scrubs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yall want some fluff after the last chapter? 
> 
> Well your opinion doesn’t matter, your gonna get it anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *gahsp!* ANOTHER CHAPTER? ALREADY?!

_ MJ, Chair man, bi-derman  _

 

 _bi-derman:_  so guys,, I’ve got a little sister, her name’s Morgan Stark (as you know), she weighs 7.2 pounds, she was born 14th of January at 1:29PM and she was covered in blood and goop the last time I saw her but I’m pretty sure she has brown eyes and a little bit of brown hair.

 _Chair man:_  oh my god dude, I’m so happy for you!

 _MJ:_  congrats, I hope she’s as dorky as you.

 

* * *

 **Pepper** _@PepperPotts:_  it is my pleasure to introduce our daughter, Morgan, into the world. I hope she will have a great life free of worries and I hope she doesn’t go through a glitter-makeup phase like Tony did.

 _[Reply to @PepperPotts] **you_know_who_i_am**  @TonyStank:_ ok, one: it was an awesome phase and I will never be ashamed of it and two: I’m pretty sure your still slightly high and should NOT BE WORKING ON PUBLICITY AND SOCIAL MEDIA MANAGEMENT.

 _[Reply to @TonyStank] **Peter P**_ _@THAT_intern:_  it’s alright Tony, I’ve got Morgan, Mrs Potts kept mumbling stuff about work and getting panicked so I let her tweet a few things whilst I held mini Stark.

 

* * *

 _ **CNN**  @CNN NEWS:_ The heiress to the Stark fortune has been born [click here to read on](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=hQ-enAo0cjk)

* * *

 _ **TheDailyBuggle**  @buggleNews:_ is Pepper Potts fit to be a mother? The CEO gave her new born child to an adolescent intern whilst she ‘worked’, is this a sign of an unfit parent? [Click here to read on ](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=rAUkXDhrk5k)

* * *

 _ **VougeOfficial** @Vouge:_ the workaholic CEO, Pepper Potts, has abandoned her child [Click here to read full article](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=bRo-_64awFY)

* * *

 **BBC** _@BBC News:_  is Morgan Stark going to live up to the Stark standards? [Click here to find out more](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Va1Y6uAgNJY)

* * *

  **jacksonsharpnews** _@SharpNews:_  Morgan Stark, a bastard? Evidence suggests that the new born child is in fact, NOT heiress to the Stark fortune or business, [Click here to see why](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=GQMlWwIXg3M)

* * *

 

“It’s alright,” his dad whispered to the wailing baby “it’s ok, mummy’s gonna be back soon,” the man’s eyes were red rimmed and cloudy, but he smiled in a way Peter had never seen before. Peter was pretty sure that his face was the same flushed scarlet as both Tony’s and his sister’s.

peter smiled widely. He was so unmeasurable happy, that it was almost creepy, especially for someone who had been hugging the walls as muffled screams vibrated through his body and his Spidey senses rung like a bell in his head for hours on end. Childbirth was scary.

”knock, knock,” both men turned to see Aunt May standing at the door holding a bouquet of flowers, she was practically glowing with excitement. “I’ve come to see my new niece.” 

* * *

_MJ, Chair man, Bi-derman_

 

 _Chair man:_ Peter, have you seen all of the stupid stuff that people are saying about you guys?

 _MJ:_  don’t worry about it dude, the media will always make stuff up to make celebrities look bad, you’ve just got to try to ignore it.

 

* * *

“Why does she smell so good?” Peter asked, clinging tightly to a sleeping Morgan whilst he sat next to tired Pepper on her and Tony’s excessively huge bed.

She chuckled and rested her head on his shoulder, ”you know, I don’t actually know Baby,” 

“You know, I’m pretty sure that if I sniffed that one favourite smell potion from Harry Potter then this would be what I would smell-oh! And the weird smell of the school when it’s not that clean but it still doesn’t stink yet.”

she smiled. It was kind and sleepy and warm and it made Peter love the world too much for words. “I think for me it would smell of Tony’s old oil stained MIT shirts and the Iron Suit when he’s just come home from a mission. I don’t know why, it’s disgusting.”

They both fell asleep soon after and Peter only woke up to lay Morgan into her crib by the bed. 

* * *

 

_Soup squad_

_Dr Strange Name:_  Congratulations Tony.

 _Hawkass_ : welcome back to fatherhood Tony, good luck with the screaming.

 _Barn full of bucks:_  how’s Pepper?

 _Red Murder Spider:_  you’ll be a great father Tony, I mean, look at Peter.

 _Steve Rogers:_ I’m happy for you Tones. You won’t turn out like Howard _._

* * *

  _ **Shark bait**  @zooologyrules:_  _@TonyStank_  ‘having a daughter is karma for what you did as a young man’ ru-oh.

* * *

 

 _ **🦓** @starslu:_ is it me or does _@THAT_intern, @PepperPotts_ and _@TonyStank_  feel like a family?

* * *

 _ **ThorsPopTart** @yellowisme:_ Why was Peter Parker there when Pepper Potts gave birth? Am i the only one who finds that weird?

* * *

 _ **Hehadtodoittoem**  @MirandaTitania:_ Morgan Stark will be QUEEN. I’m calling it now.

* * *

 He crept into his room, trying not to wake up his wife and children (god he was getting domestic).

 

“Hey Morgan, just wanted to let you know that I love you and will try my best to be the greatest father ever. I love you so much. I will not mess this up.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, thanks for reading, my plug exploded.


	8. Babysitting pt1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hoy. It’s nice to see you after all of these years. Years. Shark. Space.  
> Space sharks?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some plot??? What?! In MY house!?!?!
> 
> And also: no links??? WHAT TJE HELL IS GOING ON???!?!?!

_ Soup squad _

_Scott:_  can anyone take Cassie today? Jim and Maggie are on Holliday and I’ve got a couple of jobs to do, I don’t trust any of the gang with her alone. It’s only for the day.

 _Red murder spider:_  sorry, I don’t do kids, though cap might be able to take her.

 _Steve Rogers:_  I’m going to Wakanda this afternoon, maybe ask Clint, he’s already got kids, they could play together.

 _Hawkass:_  I don't have an excuse but we all know your daughter hates me

 _Scott:_  she doesn’t HATE you, she just doesn't understand your powers.

 _Sneaky Snake Man:_ I assume I’m not a candidate for babysitting the Langdottir.

 _Dad:_  no can do, I and Peps are already dropping Morgan off with Underoos. We’ve got stuff to do, we own a billion dollar company you know.

 _Scott:_ Oh! do you think the kid could take Cassie too? It won’t be for long.

 _Bi-derman:_  you know I am here, right?

 _Dad:_  so what do you say, kid? You up for babysitting big time?

 _Bi-derman:_  of course I am, we’re all gonna do cool stuff and eat pizza.

 _Scott:_ thanks kid, I’ll drop her off at the compound in an hour.

 

* * *

 _ **Peter P**  @THAT_intern:_ I’m babysitting today, Y'all wish me luck, let’s hope I don’t accidentally kill the heir to the Stark fortune or the sassy daughter of AntMan. 

* * *

“You know your our heir right?”

”Wait, what?”

* * *

  _ **BigBallsTakeBigCalls**  @jaysonMandozza:_ are you supposed to tell us that Ant-Man has a daughter? Isn’t there a privacy contract (for all of the heroes of the tower) or something? _@THAT_intern._

 _[Reply to @jaysonMandozza] **Peter P**  @THAT_intern:_ I’m pretty sure there isn’t cuz I haven’t signed one but I’m also pretty sure that Pepper has people who spy on my Lamp. Sometimes I wake up and a particularly risky post has deleted itself so.

* * *

Peter stood awkwardly at the door. He heard the footsteps of Scott and Cassie when they entered the compound and that left him loitering around the living quarters’ entrance elevator. Sometimes he really hated his enhanced senses.

* * *

_ 50ftScotty + Bi-derman _

 

 _50ftScotty:_  Hey Peter, we’re here could you buzz us up, the front desk lady forgot who I was again. (serious question: do I really have a forgettable face?)

* * *

 

”Hey Cassie...” this was even more awkward then standing in front of the elevator alone.

”hi...” she answered back, looking up at her dad sceptically.

Scott broke the silence with a sharp clap of his hands, “so!” He fingerguns at Peter and he has so many jokes but he listens instead, “I’m gonna go now, Cassie, be good, don’t be too freaked out about Morgan, she is a living being, not a doll.” He bends down and kisses her forehead, Cassie doesn't do anything except roll her eyes at him.

”and Peter,” his tone was awfully similar to the vultures at prom but Peter knew it was just the ‘overprotective father voice’, he had heard his dad do it a couple of times.

The teen nods slowly “yeah,”

”keep her safe.” 

“I promise I will, Mr Lang.”

The man patted him on the back and Peter was pretty sure that a normal person would have stumbled due to the force.

”I’ll be back at around midnight! Bye!” 

“Goodbye!”

”Bye, Grandma,”

Scott didn’t shout anything back so Peter was definitely gonna have to ask for that story later tonight.

* * *

 

Her dark eyes were piercing, Peter felt trapped, her stance was still and strong, he couldn’t even begin to find a weakness in her defences.

”Where. Is. The. Baby.”

he sighed, his soul probably leaving with his breath. “Ok. Ok. Ok. She’s sleeping. I put her to bed an hour ago. I’m sorry.”

Cassie dropped to the sofa with a vicious growl.

Peter may or may not have been relieved that the monster of a ten-year-old hadn’t met his scarily delicate baby sister.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to sp into two parts for two reasons: 1) I wanted to get this out as soon as possible because it's been like three weeks since I've updated (sorry about that by the way, I have no excuses, I'm just a bitch like that) and 2) because my attention span is tiny and it was putting me off from writing every time it got a sentence longer.


	9. Babysitting pt 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ChilDeREN. GeT baCK INto YOUr seaTS. FoR I aM BaCK fROM thE DEAD.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My writing style has probably changed recently so, ,,,,,,, I’m sorry

It turns out babysitting wasn’t all it was cracked up to be. Kids can’t watch shows like Brooklyn Nine Nine or Buzzfeed: Unsolved and that makes them pretty boring after two hours of playing around. Peter was worn out but ALL CASSIE WANTED TO DO WAS PLAY AND PETER WAS A SUPERHERO TEENAGER WHO NEEDED HIS BEAUTY REST OR ELSE HE WOULD DIE. (Well, maybe not  _die_ , but he had early decathlon practice tomorrow morning and he needs to make sure he doesn’t let anything slide)

”so is Tony your dad?”

”huh?” He was ashamed to say, yes, he did flinch at the sudden closeness of the child in which will haunt his dreams for years to come. She was in  _his face,_ staring at him with the huge weapons she calls eyes.

”oh, well yeah, but no, it’s- it’s kind of complicated.” He shrugged sheepishly. She didn’t move, only shuffled closer to him on the long, white sofa.

”that’s not a very good answer, it can’t be _that_  complicated.”

”uh- ok then, um, he’s my dad- like I consider him my dad and he is kinda by law, he has joint custody with Aunt May- but he’s not biologically my father.” He paused as Cassie seemed to be in deep thought, “do you know what that means?” She didn’t answer, “Cassie?”

”ye- oh, yeah, I was just wondering how long it will take for Morgan to wake up so she can teach me how to build a robot like Vision, but now that I know your a Stark too, can you teach me?”

That made literally no sense, but since he could _kinda_ do it, “umm, ok?”

* * *

 

 **Peter P** _@That_Intern:_  Child logic is so unfathomably weird that I think I sort of understand.

* * *

 

**_Dad_ **

_Dad:_  you and the girls alright?

 _Bi-derman:_ yup, we’re making robots 

 _Dad:_  don’t make an Ultron. I can just imagine the outrage.

* * *

 

”Cassie?!” He called, “Cassie, where are you?!”

* * *

 

 **Peter P**   _@That_Intern:_  Tony Stark is my dad and I constantly have a frog in my mouth.

 

 **Bonjovibattlr** _@birdlott:_  I mean, we all knew one of those things but. I’m sorry. TONY STARK IS YOUR DAD???

_[Click[here](https://youtu.be/36yrpEFZZaU) to see 13455 more comments]_

 

* * *

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short but sweet? Short but terrible? Short but mediocre? Short but no one cares Atlas, shut up and write a new chapter?
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> (Also, watch the video, or at least go through the comments to see all of the good bits, i promise you it is life changing)


	10. Back bitches

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cassy is gonna be TOLD

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi my dudes. I have been revived from my stupor and will hopefully continue updating regularly soon!
> 
> (Also. Lets. Just. You know. I G N O R E Endgame)

"Friday!" Peter shouted, "Friday! Where the hell is Cassie?!"

The AI waited a beat before answering,  _"Im afraid_ I'm _under the mercy of The Hide And Seek Protocall, or T.H.A.S.P. as Mr Stark likes to say"_

Peter groaned, the house was waaaaaaaay too big to search for her by hand and he wasnt about to get any answers from Friday because he knew for a fact that his dad had made sure no one could cheat at hide and seek, which meant he would have to ask hime for the overide password and Peter did  _not_ want to tell him he lost Cassie when it was his first time babysitting.

He sighed, "Friday, activate Hot And Cold,"

_"activating HAC."_

* * *

Cassie giggled, typing away at Peters phone, when Friday's voice echoed throughout the house  _"so cold, you should probably ask Capsicle for some advice on surviving."_

* * *

**_PeterP_** _@THAT_intern:_ Spider-man is my favourite superhero. But Ant-Man is ovbviously the other best.

 _[Reply to @THAT_intern]_ _ **obliviate** @THATONEFALCONLOVER: _what is acctualy going on??????

[ _[click here to see meore replies]_ ](https://youtu.be/WbpySJa9HYg)

* * *

Finding her took roughly an hour. An actual full hour. To find a child in a house with an almost-sentient AI. To find a child that -now that he thought about it- he could have found by tracking his phone.

He'd hoped that she hadnt got into much trouble, hadnt messed up his social media completly to the point of no return, but, kids never seemed to realise when it actually became a problem instead of a joke.

Anyway, thats how Peter ended up with an official Spiderman account, coupled with the password 'iloveCassie'

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did not re-read this, nor did i edit this. It probably shows.
> 
> Also, hi. Im actually here after i made the huge mistake of attempting to do plot. I know its crap but,,,,,,,well, at least it reflects my personality

**Author's Note:**

> So this may just be left as a one-shot or I might expand and add more characters and stuff, but either way, thank you so much for reading!


End file.
